Ireland… whats the first thing you think of when you think of Ireland? Guinness? Gingers? St Patrick? U2? Actually, there’s a lot to like about Ireland the country, apart from Bono, they’ve generally contributed well to this planet. What about Irish cricket? I’m willing to bet that before last week, when you thought of Irish cricket, you thought of leprechauns running about and tripping over each other trying to get on the other side of the ICC’s world cup logo. I mean could anyone possibly take a side that lost to Bangladesh in this world cup seriously? Bangladesh, who didn’t score more than 60 against one of the worst ODI sides in the world?
And then suddenly, Ireland beat England and everybody’s like “Wow, did you see that, highest ever world cup chase, that guy looks like a bigger Andrew Strauss except he can score the quickest world cup hundred, wow they’ve beaten England, wow they’re incredible…” blah blah blah…. give it a rest already. Yeah Kevin O Brien batted well… but who did he bat well against? And beating England is such a great feat, is it? England who’ve conceded 950+ runs in three matches, two against fellow associates? England who are tottering on elimination (surprise surprise) early in the world cup… Lets face, every fucking thing about the English is overrated… even your stupid win over them.
I ain’t frickin scared of England. And I definitely cannot be bothered about raising my estimation of a side that beats England. Beat a real ODI side, like South Africa, or Sri Lanka or Pakistan, or even Australia, maybe the West Indies, and then you’ll get a half acknowledgment. And this side actually thinks they can trouble us? Be a mild annoyance? Possibly distract us for a nano second? Us… tournament favorites, destiny’s champions, the strongest batting line-up ever seen in World Cup history, the team with the greatest ever ODI batsman… Do these great, big, overgrown, green morons really think they’ve got a chance in hell against us? I actually think one of them said something retarded like “Watch out India, you’re next!” or something to that effect, which only makes me wonder how their coach keeps them off the booze long enough to finish a cricket match.
Here are the only likely scenarios to this mismatch. We bat first, score 450. We bat second, we chase 120 in 14 overs or less. We got spin bitches. And I ain’t talking about Piyush-hey-Shahzad-just-you-try-and-hit-me-for-six-off-the-first-ball-you-face-Chawla… I don’t mind the kid, I think he should get another game… and I ain’t talking about that Teri Maa Ki fucker either… though he’ll be more than enough for them… We’re playing Ashwin… thats right… And if the Irish struggled against Swann, watch them crumble and fall against Ashwin… We should probably hold off bowling Yuvraj just so that we don’t take things too far and humiliate them beyond compare.
This isn’t a match.. this isn’t even a mismatch… this is minnow bashing supreme time… when we carry forward our locomotive-like momentum after two dominating opening world cup matches… I said God would deliver last time… and guess what, he did… This time its gonna be Yuvi… maybe Gambhir too… thats if we bat first and God and Sehwag decide to give everyone else a bit of batting practice… if we’re chasing, then Sehwag will finish our innings in under an hour. They talk about the luck of the Irish… after this game, they’ll talk about how quickly the pluck was taken out of the Irish… We don’t dislike you Ireland… you’re just unfortunate to be in our way… and so, you gonna get beat… badly.
Watch this epic thrashing at 9am GMT… or 14:30pm IST… or 0400 EST